It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
