All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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