I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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