Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
