So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
