how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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