I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
