whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
