Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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