If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
