just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
