Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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