my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
