Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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