3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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