Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
