Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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