There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
