They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
