I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
