If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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