mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
