I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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