I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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