she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
