I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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