STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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