so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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