Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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