the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
