If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wear drunk well.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
