we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
