and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
