I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
