So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
