i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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