Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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