My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
