and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
