Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
