So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
