I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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