So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
where are my eyebrows?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
