So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
