hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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