there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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