i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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