I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Enjoy the penises
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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