you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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