I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
