My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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